


say you'll see me again, even if it's just pretend

by Odd_birds_and_booksellers



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Inspired by Taylor Swift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_birds_and_booksellers/pseuds/Odd_birds_and_booksellers
Summary: Someday, when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around.My very late addition to TSxJolex Week.
Relationships: Alex Karev & Jo Wilson Karev, Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Kudos: 12
Collections: jolex x taylor swift week





	say you'll see me again, even if it's just pretend

You know first thing in the morning when you wake up and for a second everything’s perfect, like your brain isn’t fully awake yet. 

It’s in those moments he can feel the warmth of her skin against his chest, the weight of her legs against his, the scent of her vanilla shampoo as he nestles his face further into her neck, brushing away her long brown locks. The sunlight streaming through the window making the wedding set on her finger shine as she hums in content, leaning back into him. For that moment they’re perfect and everything is right in the world. 

He closes his eyes again savouring the feeling of her but when he wakes up it’s all gone, instead, he can hear cartoons playing in the living room, the space beside him cold, long gone is the woman that lays there, favouring her early morning routine over mornings in his arms. It’s not a daydream anymore it’s real life. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, he prays for just a moment to be back in that reality, just for a second to be there and roll over and see that sleepy grin, her wild hair falling over her shoulders as she snuggle further into him. Just for one second. 

_**"You don't even know what I'm going to say."** _

_**“I think I do and you shouldn’t."** _

_**"Jo.."** _

_**"I’ll mess it up, Alex...I mess everything good in my life up and we work as friends, really well and I don't wanna mess that up."** _

Her words eat him up at night, like she knew the ending before he did, the time he’d spent convincing her she was wrong only to prove her right. 

**_“I’m not going anywhere except home with you.”_ **

**-**

**_“I don’t want an out, you hear me?”_ **

**_“I love you...I wanna grow old with you no matter what.”_ **

Sometimes her voice wakes him up at night, his dreams too painful. Everything reminds him of her, he can hear with him wherever he goes, the guilt is tearing him up inside, and they’re starting to notice, it’s small at first like she catches him drifting away when she’s talking this look on his face like he’s lost and she knows it's her he’s thinking of.

He keeps picturing her smiling face, he can’t help every time he closes his eyes he can see her laughing at him, her eyes lighting up as the smirk takes over her face. 

**_“I’m pregnant_ ** **_...scared you...I got you so good."_ ** ****

**_“Wait, you're not pregnant?”_ **

**_“No...oh my god you should've seen your face.”_ **

Sometimes when he’s so tired, tired enough to sleep without dreams he lets himself think of her, he sees her standing there in white, wind flowing through her hair as the sunset s over the ferry boat, that smile on her lips a lasting memory as they promised their forever. 

_**"I have never seen two people bring out better in each other, and if the two of you can take this day and make into lemonade then you can do anything."** _

_**“I super do…”** _

_**“I do..”** _

The last day he saw her plagues him still, he’d lied and she’d smiled. He kept telling himself that wasn’t the last smile he’d see, that he’d be back for her one day. 

_“Call me when you land okay? And if you need me to come out I will, I don’t mind using my holiday.” Jo mumbles, squeezing Alex’s hand as they come to a stop near the airport entrance, Alex insisting he didn’t need her to come in with him especially since she was supposed to be at work._

_“Yeah, I just wanna see how mom is and then I’ll call…” He nods, avoiding her gaze as he stares down at their joint hands._

_He feels her free hand cupping his face, pulling him up to look at her. Flinching slightly, he hopes she doesn't read the fear in his eyes as they say their goodbyes. “You’re a good son Alex...she’s so lucky to have you. Send her my love.” Jo whispers pressing a chaste kiss to his lips._

_“I will..” Alex mutters, letting go of her hand, shifting his weekend bag higher up his shoulder, plastering on a smile as he takes in the sight of her. Makeup free, messy bun, wearing jeans and a tee ready to swap into her scrubs at work, she seems so carefree no idea the world they had built is crumbling around them. “I love you Jo you know that don’t you?” He mumbles making sure to look her in the eyes as he speaks._

_A slight crease forms in her forehead as she chuckles lightly, “Yeah you only tell me like every day.” She whispers. her hand smoothing over his freshly shaven cheek as she meets his intense gaze, the worry in his face evident but she writes it off as concern for his mother as he leans forward pressing another quick kiss to her lips. “Stop staring at me like that, I’ll see you soon. Now go before you miss your flight.”_

_“Alex...I love you too by the way.” She calls, blowing him a kiss as he turns around to give her one last look, flashing her smile that doesn't quite meet his eyes._

Their last moments, a sharp reminder of everything he’d ruined, the minute he’d lied to her, he knew he could never go back because they had been a hot mess for most of their relationship but he’d never lied to her before, even if what he had to say, she hadn’t liked, he’d still said it.

But that had all changed now, what was done was done and he can’t go back. 

He keeps telling himself this isn’t the end, that they’ll meet again someday, that they will laugh about the old days and he’ll see that smile again, the one he clings to in dreams that she won’t just live in his mind. 

He knows in real life she’s moving on, or he hopes she is anyway. Hopes she’s found a better man than him, one that will give her all that she deserves and that she is truly happy. Somewhere deep down inside of him he knows there’s someone else that’s making her laugh, making her feel safe and loved, although the thought crushes his heart it also feels him with warmth at the same time, all he’s ever wanted for her is happiness, even if it can’t be with him anymore. 

He knows the reality he does, he knows he wraps his arms around someone else when he sleeps and no amount of dreaming will change that, he knows the house they imagined with the swings and the dog isn’t the one he lives in, but for the briefest moments early in the morning, she’s there. his arms wrapped around her while she mumbles something like I love you, and sometimes when he dares to fall deeper into the abyss he can feel the curve of her stomach, hear the tiny pity patter of little feet, oh he can see it all, their wildest dreams playing out like a movie. 

For the briefest moments, all is right in the world and then just like he’s awake, he’s someone else’s husband, someone else’s dad and he’s a long way from what he used to call home and everything he’d once held so dear is now just a dream. 

**Author's Note:**

> I may have forgotten to post my final post for tsxjolex week, anyway here it is better late then never, as you can tell the further into the week we got the more I gave up but the good news is this week I'm venturing into my asks and trying to get some of your prompts out. 
> 
> Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift


End file.
